Feeling Inadequate

Last night Becoming-A-Mom went to get her hair done and left baby Juliette with me for about an hour. She made sure that Juliette had a full belly and was in a good mood, so I didn’t think that there would be any problem. After all, Becoming-A-Mom was only going to be away for an hour or so at most.

So Becoming-A-Dad was front and center with baby Juliette. All went well for the first 30 minutes. I played with Juliette on my knee for about 10 minutes until she started to get bored and fussy. At that point I put her in her favorite new toy – the Exersaucer.

Juliette just loves her Exersaucer – my uncle gave her the 1-2-3 Tea for Me model. When we first put her in the seat she was so excited she positively exhausted herself dancing and grabbing the toys in less than 10 minutes. Since then she has learned to turn herself in the seat and keeps herself amused for 20-30 minutes before tiring herself out.

So I put her in the Exersaucer and sat there and played with her for about 10 or 15 minutes. She had a great time pressing on the teapot and chewing on and wrestling with all the little attachments. At some point she became grumpy and started gnawing on her fingers – a sign that her gums are bothering her. So I went to the fridge and pulled out the little teething ring we have and gave her that.

All was well for another 5-10 minutes until she gave out the warning squawk that she was getting fed up. I picked her up and put her back on my knee, to be greeted with light crying. I bounced her on my knee which only intensified her unhappiness. I grabbed her Sophie the Giraffe squeaky toy and squeezed it a few times – this at least distracted her from crying for a 3.78 seconds before the tears started again.

Not knowing what was up, I peeked into her diaper to make sure she wasn’t wet or poopy. Nope, all was good there (except for some gut-churning farts she helpfully squeezed out at the perfect time). The crying intensified.

So I put her on her play mat and jiggled the toys. Squeezed Sophie again. Not a chance. The crying continued and increased in volume yet again.

Now borderline panicking, I rubbed her belly thinking perhaps she had painful gas. No help there. In her anguish and disgust, she continued screaming but turned on her side, accidently hitting a little plastic frog toy that makes croaking noises.

Instant silence as she listened to the croak-croak-croak. Filled with relief, I pressed the toy again. She looked at it with interest and tried to grab it. A blissful 15 seconds of no crying passed. And then she started screaming again.

Not knowing what to do next, I picked her up and tried to comfort her on my shoulder. Going deaf in my left ear I groped for some earplugs and put them in. I turned on the TV and sat her so she could watch, but by this time she was so miserable and angry that she wouldn’t open her eyes any more. All I could see was this little pink mouth from which a high-pitched 140 decibel  cry  was coming. It seemed to take up her whole face.

Desperate, I thought perhaps she wanted a nap. I took her to the bedroom, wrapped her up and popped her into her crib. The crying intensified yet again. I closed the door and ran away.

At that point Becoming-A-Mom thankfully re-appeared. She looked vaguely amused at the situation. She went to the crib, said hi to Juliette and picked her up. The crying stopped instantly. And once Juliette was in her arms, a broad smile spread across her face.

Defeated, I slunk away to read some emails and massage my bruised father ego.

I must be a bad dad.