The Poop on Diaper Changes

Ever wonder what to expect for changing diapers on a newborn? Ever wonder exactly what it means to go through 10-12 diapers per day? Well, here’s the lowdown from my Daddying experience…

Okay, baby is beginning to wake up making little yelps and fussing, but not fully awake and aware yet. Usually if Mom tries to breast-feed baby Peach at this point, it will end in frustration. So it’s now Dad the Plumber’s job to take care of the sewage.

I carry baby Peach over to our changing area where we’ve got a little basket of disposable diapers (yes, we considered cloth diapers – me mostly – but decided to use disposables at first to figure out what we’re doing. Mom was correct and I’m very glad we’re using disposables right now. We may change later) and some of those hospital dry cellulose wipes cut into quarters – about 15×10 cm/6″x4″. Beside that we have a small container of water along with some grapeseed oil and calendula zinc-oxide baby butt rash cream.

First task is to open up the layers of cloths that baby Peach is cloaked in. Snap, snap, snap, then open up the bottom of the tights… snap, snap, snap. Grab her ankles together in my left hand and raise her butt and back up off the changing pad so I can push her clothing up her torso to expose the diaper fully and make sure no stray poop gets on her clothes. There’s usually a fair bit of squirming and complaining going on at this point.

I undo the little velco fasteners on the diaper and carefully fold them back onto the inside of the waist band. I carefully pull the front of the diaper away to see what I’m dealing with – could be a nice thick wad of bright yellow-brown poo, could be a small blob of greenish-brown poo, or it could just be a soaked diaper. Usually it’s a combination of pee and poop. This gives me an idea of how many little squares of wipes I’m going to need.

A typical sight... This was about Day 4

I pull off the estimated number of wipes and soak them in the water tub. I squeeze them out and try to warm them a bit with my hands so I won’t freeze the baby’s ass too badly. I also open up a disposable diaper and have it ready.

I now pull back the front of the diaper fully and leave it in place. I make sure to get a firm grasp of both ankles in my left hand so baby Peach doesn’t put her feet into the mess or kick it on me (yes, she’s more than happy to do both given the chance). I carefully start wiping away the poop that’s sticking to where ever it’s stuck – could be just the bottom but often can be as far up as just below the waistband on the front and up the back of the crack behind. Keep in mind little Peach is trying to kick and squirm as much as possible at this point, possibly while screaming her lungs out.

Drop dirty wipe into open diaper and grab another. Continue wiping until all traces of poop are removed from her skin. Drop the dirty wipe into the diaper and grab the last one. This time just make sure there’s no residual yellow left on her bum or nether regions. Carefully lift baby’s bum up and pull the dirty diaper and wipes away. Set aside in a safe location where it will not fall or accidentally get my hand/elbow/waist stuck into it.

Quickly slide the new opened diaper under her butt and let go of her ankles. Grab the hairdryer that’s handily lying to the right and turn it on low. Blow-dry little Peach’s butt and diaper area – she likes this and within a matter of seconds will stop all her hip gyrations and crying once the air drying starts. I lift up her legs so the air goes up the back of her butt and dries that off too.

Ooops! Peach will now try to shoot a stream of pee on me. Usually I can see it start and try to flip the front of the diaper up over top to catch the stream before it goes all over the changing pad, towels, clothing and me. Sometimes I’m successful. I exclaim something rude and turn off the hairdryer. I grab more wipes and dry off whatever needs drying – usually me – and move Peach around on the changing pad so she’s not lying in a wet spot. I unfold another diaper and exchange it for the wet one.

I get the hair dryer again and start it up. Phhhhtttt!!!! A fart, sometimes just gas but often followed by a thick jet of yellow seedy goop will fly out of her butt towards me and my shirt. If I’m lucky I’ve positioned the diaper well and it splats harmlessly into a fold of the previously-clean new diaper. If I’m not the poop will get on my hands and sleeves, if not the changing pad and Peach’s clothes.

Say something rude again, put down the hairdryer and clean the mess up quickly lest another jet of foul matter follows the first. Another bunch of wipes, another diaper, another session with the blowdryer.

I quickly get a little bit of grapeseed oil/olive oil/calendula zinc oxide cream on my fingertips and smooth it over Peach’s butt cheeks and inside creases of her thighs to avoid diaper rash and make it easier to wipe off the next session’s poop.

I wipe my fingers on the inside of the final clean diaper and then fold it up. She invariably pulls her legs up and makes it as difficult as possible to close the diaper, starting to complain loudly about the quality of service around here. I quickly close the left side then the right, then go back and re-adjust the leg cuffs and tighten up the waist. Done with the diaper!

Now it’s just a matter of making sure my hands are clean before pulling her clothing back down and doing up all the fasteners… snap, snap, snap… snap, snap, snap, snap… ziiiiipppp.

And only 10 to 15 minutes after what should have been a quick 3-minute job, I’m picking ehr up and telling her what a great kid she is. Even though she’s just peed and pooped on me. Just like the time before.