Week 34 and All’s Well

Today is the start of week 34. So far so good! She’s now weighing in at 201.5 lb – almost no weight gain in at least a couple of weeks. No strange cravings, no outrageous hunger pangs, nothing at all to be concerned about. This is a good thing!

What I didn’t write about is that we’ve also attended a couple more prenatal classes. Man, those classes can be brutal! While on one hand they’re great because they inform you of what to expect and gives you some ways of starting to prepare, they also can scare the hell out of you.

Take for instance some of the videos we’ve seen. So far a couple more anatomical “this is how baby is growing” and “this is what happens during labour”. Now throw in a couple videos of pregnant woman entering labour along with all the sounds and emotions that come with that. Bit more scarey.

And finally how about a couple of videos of women actually giving birth – either at home with midwives or in the hospital. All the gory details of watching the head crowning, then the baby’s head popping out, followed by the rest of the body. Shots of a nice wrinkled slime-covered purple prune attached to a chunk of what could be intestine for all I know. Then the first breath, turning bright pink and making some noises and finally looking like something human.

Then the great photos of the placenta being expelled, and of the docs poking and examining that. Did I mention that I don’t want to eat the placenta?

I long for the 1950s when the mothers would be taken away and wheeled into the hospital. Dad would be taken to the golf course or bar by his buddies and they’d all while away the next couple of days drinking, smoking and generally shooting the shit. A few phone calls here and there to check on the wife and status of the baby delivery. Then back to the buddies and beer.

Oh, there’s a call for you! You’re the proud father of a baby! Congratulations! Have a cigar! Slaps on the back all around, and you sit down for another shot of Scotch before speaking to your doctor and wife briefly. You tell them you’ll be there to pick them up from the hospital in a couple of days. Then a few more rounds of drinks before driving yourself home with a blood alcohol reading of 0.12.

Yes, I’m a bad man. Only you all are thinking the same thing, you just haven’t written about it on your blog.